I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and one of the sudden intelligent things I said was - just because you don't see air, it does not mean it is not there. And for a while now, a friend of mine - who recently started dating - asked me if it was wrong to be calculative and occasionally remind her partner about all the things she has been subtly doing to please him or to make him happy. Seeing that my mind was more blank than blanko, she offered a bit more information.....
"There are certain things I do to for him that I don't see the need to tell him, but I do it because I care. And sometimes I think he doesn't see it. Like that time he he was trying to lose weight, so I got some healthy cereal bars, fruits and gave it to him but he wasn't so pleased to accept it because it wasn't to his taste buds.. or when I let him pick all the movies we watch even if I don't like it, but I know he does... so I do it because I know it makes him happy. And remember the expensive timepiece I got him for V-Day? I have yet to see him wear it even once!" (ok... so I sorta paraphrased... BUT the examples are true!)
I do feel for my friend... to feel so unrequited. But to be fair to him, I have seen him with her, and I do know he cares... and he has gone out of his way to do things for her... as she lives alone and work is crazy, he cooks and helps her with the chores around her place (even though he doesn't live there). No guy would do that unless he really cared about her. (I think lah) So I guess, he is just more finicky and particular about things than she is...
But then it comes back to her question - does he realise the subtle things she does for him? There are many aspects in our lives and relationships - with parents, friends, siblings and colleagues that we sometimes do not see the subtle things we do for them. Should we then be upset they don't realise?
Recently, my boss was really ill and so in need of rest, so I offered to step up and help her with one of her proposals, which resulted to me being too busy to finish some of my own stuff and having to attend stoopid meetings. But I did it for 3 reasons...
1) I felt sorry for her as my boss who was in need of help
2) I felt sorry for a friend
3) I felt with the promotion and guidance she has mentored me, this was a way for me to express that her investment in me was not n vain - that I could step up and take charge when required.
Whether or not she noticed it, I don't know... and most days I don't need to know. But, like all human beings, it would be nice to be remembered and acknowledged, no?
So......... here is the mind-blowing thought: Supposing we didn't know of a man who died for us 2000 years ago.... would we still know who and what Jesus was all about?
Think about it - If I had not known / read / heard about a man who though he didn't know me, but yet willingly died for me so I could have the spiritual freedom I so lavishly enjoy now, would I still learn the lesson of unboundless and limitless grace? I hate to say it, but I think I wouldn't.
Therefore, coming back to my friend, does this mean she should sit him down and say - "listen you idiot, you need to know that you are not the only one lifting a finger in this relationship but I am also going out of my blardy way for you... a bit of acknowledgement will not kill you!"?
But, then isn't that what sacrificial love is about? To do something totally unexpected because we care about someone and doesn't matter if they can see it or not, the happiness of that person is sufficient...
*sigh*...
Where do we draw the line?
*sigh* ... Relationships are not just hard, they are darn-right complicated!
No comments:
Post a Comment