And today also marks the first year anniversary of something I committed myself to last year. Earlier today, I read back at some of my previous postings and I wrote quite a bit about this commitment of mine, and of how I struggled at it. To be honest, about a month and a bit more after my last posting, I had already given up in keeping to my commitment and was already preparing myself to inform the relevant parties that I could no longer and didnt want to keep up to it anymore.
But even so, as I mentally prepared and rehearsed my speech, I also remembered always telling God, please help me cos I am not sure if I was making a mistake by letting go, but if it was the right thing to do (by letting go) may I not feel like a failure but embrace the experience and the lessons I have gathered.
And when the time came to face the music, surprisingly, I was very calm and the parties involved understood and we all agreed to move on. It was upsetting to know I failed but then I rather know I tried and failed then to have never tried at all. (I hate the "what-if" moments... cos nothing makes one more uncertain about themselves than doubting certain decisions that probably can never be undone!)
Well, long story short... I think God had other plans in mind. I think me giving up was His way of then taking control of the situation and turning it around for me and those involved. I have recommitted myself... perhaps with even more confidence and certainty that I am in this because it is not my will, but God's.
I now understand why ppl celebrate anniversaries of certain milestones... not because they are being emo, but it is more of a reminder of the journey. However, I think for me, rather then bring in the pomp and fanfare, I prefer to do it in a more subdued way and remember the hurts and the difficulties and rejoice silently in my heart that I have overcome them with His grace and remind myself that His grace will continue to help me overcome other difficulties as I journey on to uphold my commitment.
So, by God's grace... a silent toast to many more anniversaries to come! hahaha...
^__^
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