Two nights ago I sat down and started a pet project. I don’t know what possessed me to buy one of those 3D jigsaw puzzles. So there I had this little toy and like a young child, I ripped it open and started.
Forget the fact that I had tonnes of work to do and I was tired due to the lack of sleep since the week began. AND that I am still sickly and on medication.
And like a small child, the novelty died when pet project became more complicated then it looked. I was going to abandon it and find something else to do to keep my idle brain from shutting down.
And the worst thing that could ever happen to me happened. 2 people came to visit me.
The zealous ambitious child I once knew. Who invited her, I have no clue. I just know that her child like persona had left the building a long time ago. With her departure, she left a great void and was replaced by someone struggling so hard to stay above the water that it is sometimes drained her. One day, she got really tired and allowed herself to sink. She went in quite deep and for a while was very sure she would never find her way back. Then she saw the wonders beneath the water – the beautiful fishes and corals. It empowered her with new energy and zeal to keep going. Almost reminded her of the child that once was. So the little brat has returned and brought her kiasuness and drive to never give up as well.
Silence. First, I have to say that Silence had a way of emphasising the echoes my thoughts. I used to like to sit with her and allow my thoughts to wonder and imagine a world where Jonathan Brandis was my neighbour and he and a really gorgeous black guy I once had a crush on but never got his name were both battling for my affection and in the midst of all that, I was a child prodigy that did not require to go to school but got paid more than the queen E just to breath. J I had great imagination.
Then one day I hit a turn in my life and didn’t want to be friends with Silence anymore. She condemned my imagination and claimed it was my way of dealing with my inadequacies in life – hence nothing more then a coward and suffering from a severe case of escapetism. I got scared, maybe she was right. The more I sat with her, the louder her voice became and I grew more small and scared. She even convinced me that life was not worth living for and encouraged me to take my own. She almost won that night. Someone Upstairs must love me to have kept me alive after all the junk that went down the hatch. That was then… some 7 years ago.
Silence and I have a great relationship now. THAT or you can say I have learnt to silence her when I think she is out of line. There are moments when she does get up to her tricks, but I think that is usually to test if I have grown up after all these years of friendship.
So Silence, the Child and I… we had a great reunion that night. And together we completed the puzzle.
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