STRESS

Definition
1. (physics) force that produces strain on a physical body; "the intensity of stress is expressed in units of force divided by units of area"

2. (psychology) a state of mental or emotional strain or suspense; "he suffered from fatigue and emotional tension"; "stress is a vasoconstrictor"

3. mental or physical tension that results from physical, emotional, or chemical causes.

4. Dreaming that you are under stress, is a reflection of the stress that you are experiencing in your waking life that has been carried over into your dream state. Even in your sleep, you may be unable to relax. The dream may call attention to setbacks, obstacles, self-doubts, criticism that you are facing in some waking situation or relationship. You need to take some leisure time off.

Yes... that is Me and I is that. Stress = Me.

OK... I am consciously not going to make this a hormonal thing. Someone commented (thank you for the constructive criticism) that my writing is too whinny and I should make it lighter and also to broaden my topics. Currently I am very self absorbed.

I have never thought of that before, me being self absorbed (careful girl... you are slowly heading there again).

SELF-ABSORBED

Definition: [adj] absorbed in your own interests or thoughts etc

Well, if I am absorbed in my thoughts. I don't deny that. I think a lot. Sometimes too much for my own good. But that is me.

Like last weekend. I was in a car with a few people traveling to my home town. I am so used to traveling home by bus and I relish looking out the window, watching the world go by whilst my mind wonder off into the sunset. Sometimes too far for my own good.

Anyway, so there I was, torn between being a nice traveling companion and desperately wanting my own "wondering" time. So decided to try and be the nice traveling companion. Don't think I did a good job. But while was in there, I saw a side to a few people I never thought I would see.

Now, not wanting to be self absorbed, but I have always played the multiple personality role - morphing according to situations and circumstances. And working in an environment that constantly requires me to have many mask, I must say I have made a hobby and living of having multiple personalities. I can be your girl next door, your shoulder to cry on, your whining female, your cold hearted bitch and your mentally not all there reclusive.

So for me to see CIA in his same persona with his elders around was amusing, but comforting to know he is not plastic. (this of course spiraled me into a whirlpool of self reflection thoughts, but we shall lay off that for a bit)

Many people have subtlely and not so indirectly asked me if I was still into him. And the truth is: I don't know. And I don't want to know. This is one topic I do not want to go into my thoughts and find out. Am I scared of what is beneath all the neurons in my brain? Perhaps. But also because I know nothing will amount to this, so it is time to move on, even if I don't want to. :)

But watching him with his his elder made me think of my own folks. I suddenly missed them so much when I was in the car. I missed my daddy and my mommy so much... it is beyond words. I have never felt so strongly about them till recently. Maybe because I worry if time is running short.
And over the weekend, we had time to banter in the car. And I finally confessed to them my hurts and frustrations these past few weeks. I almost teared and despite the fact I raised my voice, they never once told me off. I love them for that. I have been keeping it for so long that when it finally came out, I felt so good. Still hurt, but at least I vented.

And I found myself holding on to my mom when we were in the deparmental store, and not wanting my parents to leave the station till my bus started moving. And my heart grew heavy and lonely and sad.

Strange isn't it. I want them, yet I don't want them. I boast of how I have survived without their constant presence in my life, yet today here in the office I sit and wish when I go home, I see their faces.

What is it about parents that gets one all mushy and soft all over? Having said this, I do know people who don't give a rats ass about their folks, so we are not discussing them today.

But yeah... what is it about our parents that makes us weak all over when we see them cry or upset or in pain? The more I look at mummy and daddy, I see myself. I am a daddy's girl. And I am a mommy's girl. Now, the egoness and the machoness in me will never admit this to them. But the truth is, I am such a reflection of them! Well... not so much of mummy, but her traits are there lah... like the cooking bit. :)

Hahaha.... sorry... was just laughing to myself. How did I get from stress to my parents? hehehe... the wonders of our mind. :)

But rambling on aimlessly like this has been good for distressing.

Till my next stress attack..

"There are thousands of causes for stress, and one antidote to stress is self-expression. That's what happens to me every day. My thoughts get off my chest, down my sleeves and onto my pad." - Garson Kanin

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams (Dilbert, 1998)

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness"


And my ULTIMATE fav :
"Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it"