Transparency

I have decided to write this from home and just load it on to the page. It takes too much effort for me to type it in the office without being caught. Also I am trying to type without even looking at the keypad and screen. Not bad huh? OKlah… so I spelled check after this… who cares!?

Anyway… I was tempted to reveal my blog to CIA after I read his. Esp the part about me being angry with him and not telling what was on my mind. I find him to be an idiot sometimes. He somehow just doesn’t get it that he sometimes says the stoopidest things that the most inopportune moments. Anyway, I was filled with tears just reading his blog – for several reasons. I missed him. I missed that way we could talk endlessly about stuff and not be bothered. Today it just feels we need to guard ourselves. I wonder what went wrong? And I wonder when it all began?

I am also amazed that he can be so open about his thoughts and emotions. I wonder how ppl feel reading about them in his page knowing fully well their stories and his thoughts about them are open for public scrutiny. That is something I cannot do. I think I finally found my insecurity – people seeing through me.

However, I have recently met people who have the uncanny ability to do so. At certain moments I find it soothing, so that means I do not have to pretend and I realised the more I didn’t have to, I got comfortable and confident about myself. How ironic!

Anyway, the one person that has been told of this is miles away… and I suppose that is his saving grace – there is no way he can check details and sources about situations. Not that he will I am sure… I am not even sure if did the right thing by telling him – after all, this was suppose to be my personal journal and the rule is people are suppose to discover the blog to earn their prize. In this case, I suppose he can’t claim it… hahahaha… HT, if you are reading this, I am sorry… hehehe… you just lost the prize! J

Anyway… that’s it for now. It is Thursday 10th of March. Just came back from dinner with Sivs and Nams… suppose to meet JK later for supper. JK sounds a bit weird in his sms – almost borderline of psychotic and horny… hahaha… not sure if it is safe to meet him. But my gut tells me he will be asleep at midnight. Oh well…. Lets see what happens.