Had a very interesting conversation with someone a while ago. His hard drive got toasted over the weekend during the really bad storm. Then yesterday his modem got fried. And today, new hard drive got busted again.
Now... I am not IT savvy. I have already made that very clear during the hey-days of this blog. But I do know that generally if it storms, it is advisable to remove all plug points so your electrical items will not get fried.
So whilst all the lightning and thunder was going on, great friend (and I mean that with great affection ok... I happen to have a soft spot for the joe) not only leaves the plug in the socket but is also using it at that moment. Correct me if I am wrong, but the saying is once bitten, twice shy. But nooooo.... super Joe spends a few hundreds to get a new one and then to have it all get toasty again.
And he argues with me on top of that! - why have a PC when you can't use it!? Er... because there is thunder and it might fry your PC!? How is that for an explanation!? I thought that was pretty wise from an IT dum blonde. Anyway, Joe (lets call him that) didn't want to talk to me. Says I was lecturing him... correction, he didn't want to chill with me later (which the intention was to get him out and not look at ol' toasty) cos he didn't want me to lecture him... *SIGH* whateverlah...
Yes, I am annoyed at his denial for lack of commonsense... but what hit me the most was he was determined that The Man upstairs was causing this and was determined to see my friend in pain. THIS I have a problem with.
Look, I am not trying to be holier then thou... but I am very sure God does not find joy in seeing us suffer. And truth is, Joe does not even know Him - so who is he to say anything of His character, let alone determine it is one notch below being a sadist? (that is right girl... after you hang up the phone, that is then you start telling the person off lah! Try doing it while you are still online with the person again ok!)
Anyway... I was going though Joe's blog and I read how he was stricken by an illness sometime back and he is still suffering from the after effects of it - and will most like continue on as there isn't a cure for it. And I read how things got so bad for him physically and financially. My heart was quite torn. Torn between the knowledge that God will not leave us nor abandon us. BUT also the sadness as to why Joe has to suffer what he went through. I want to know why... but only God can tell me. And truth is, He doesn't;t event owe me an explanation - My thoughts are not yours, My ways are not your ways.
And after all the shit that I have gone through in life, I came to a point when I just gave up and stopped questioning and decided that God must have a reason for all this - be it good or bad... and my job was to accept His will and ask How or What do you want me to learn from his Lord? But just to come to this, it took me years! And lots of pain and hurt and lots of hitting brick walls and falling downs. There are too many scars and memories to recount. And some I can;t even remember anymore except that it hurt so badly then and yet I moved on. But you see... that is me. That is someone who grew up knowing only God and spent my entire life having tales of Him drummed into my head consciously and subconsciously. And after all that, I decided to find out the truth for myself - rather then relaying on tales from people who I now wonder if they really KNOW Him at all!
So what does this have to do with Joe? Simple. He is not me. And I don't know how much he even knows about Him. But he seems to think that somehow God owes him something... esp since he is "from the old school of thought whereby you help someone out of fun". I think it is a noble thought. And am glad to know that ppl like him still exist. BUT how do you expect One to love, protect and care for you when you yourself don't really believe Him?
Listen... if anyone of you out there reading this (which I doubt, cos this site seems to be cyberworld's best kept secret at the moment - which the exception of a few privileged ones) ... anyway.... if anyone of you think God owes you, I have news for you. He doesn't! He doesn't even need us for the world to continue to spin on its axis! And lets not forget the price He paid. he exchanged His Son's life for useless and heartless bums like you and I. You and I who no matter how many times we keep coming to the same dead end, we turn back and make the same mistakes and end up back there again. Yet, sometimes He choose to gently lead us around the dead end, and then there are times, He leaves us there out there to dry and suffer blindly in the dark before taking us in His arms and showing us the light. How do I tell Joe this?
Why am I afraid to tell Joe this? Because he is older then I am. And yes... maturity does not come with age... but I know (or at least my gut tells me) he will exercise his " I ate more salt then you ate rice" authority over me and render me into silence and frustration. A brick wall! *SIGH*
I can't figure out how to tell Joe that all the shit that is happening is not about God hating him, but God using him? God testing those He know are worth testing? He is shaping Him without Joe even knowing. OK... you might not believe me... but think about this... When he recounted his tales in the hospital, many... MANY people came to his aid... and many were touched by his words. I think that is a powerful gift and many were touched to get their life in order. And may have finally found the motivation to achieve a better quality in life - quit bad habits, rediscover religion, love more, care more, share more... whatever lah! Bottomline, some good came out of it.
Are we really that short sighted that we sometimes fail to see the bigger picture things in life? Sometime back, I wrote about seeing the BIG picture. And I don't think he sees it. Joe is so fixated on the spot. Maybe he has a lot of spots... but I wonder can he honestly tell me, that the spots have not made his life more interesting?
You know what, I don't want to go on writing. Not because I am tired. But I know I am currently running around in circles. I have no answers, and despite my usual way of writing to rationalize my thoughts and finally understand the situation, I don't think I can figure this out. This is beyond me. This is about something Greater then I.
Anyway... if you believe in the same God as I do, would appreciate if you kept Joe in your prayers. And our friendships as well. That maybe God will use this to nurse Joe's wounds or something...
Chill & Fill!
No comments:
Post a Comment