What vegetables can do to you...

... Vegetables can send you into a whirlwind of thoughts and dilemma... esp when you least expect it! That's what it does!

Yesterday Dill had to drive in - something related to golf lah... sorry can't ellaborate, don't know much about golf. All I know was she had to hit the ball and she was nervous and that I was roped in to help her make sandwiches. She had bought some bell peppers and was cutting it up to use as garnish.

As she was cutting it up, we talked about how Malaysians would normally eat it - cooked. And some ppl would eat it raw but that is a rare few... at least from my knowledge lah. (There is a point here... I assure you!)

Anyway... as I stood there buttering the bread and watching her slice the peppers, I thought of when I first learnt to eat it raw. I was at AM's house and I was in my lower 6. I will never forget that day cos DA and I had a massive fight the night before aand was up all night cos he was grovelling for forgiveness. And after school, I was in such an awful mood I went over to her house to chill out and she served me baked potatoes, sausages and raw bell peppers.

It is strange how things turned out between us... Like now that I am in the UK, she would have been one of the first few ppl I would have thought of calling and saying how much I miss Malaysia. And she would have been a HUGE part in my preparation to come.

We now hardly speak more then 2 sentences to each other when we meet. Which is a tragedy cos I used to spend hours in her home. And it is just not her, but it is also the family and ultimately this has affected my involvement in the choir and the YF. I miss working and preparing activities or bible study for the kids. And I miss the choir. But things are so weird now - I can't put my finger on it though. I know JD was quite upset that when I agreed to join the choir for Easter last year and then I told him I changed my mind. I am sorry lah... but somehow I just wasn't comfortable being there.. Things just seem so pretentious now... I also know that the only reason we keep each other on our Christmas list is because of courtesy. Don't think there is any "peace" in it which is even worse cos that is not that God wanted from His children.

And I must confess... one the main reasons I am not comfortable with her kids is because I never know what they may take from a conversation and contort it to beyond recognition and take it round the block. I have no doubt that stories of me and DA has suffered that fate and it breaks my heart that ppl you once trust can turn on you so quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I have never forgetten what she has done for me, or how the family has opened their doors to me... esp when things were rough at home or when I was struggling with myself. Lets also not forget that without her I would not have gotten involved with the kids and learnt some of the greatest lessons in life. But that still does not justify the end... and how distant we have become.

Can this really be worked upon?

Going back to one of my previous post - not making an effort to repair broken relationships, then maybe I can move on and not turn back. But bearing in mind, I was also challenged to question that philosophy. So where does that leave me?

I know RKP have given up in mending the broken relationship and they have boldy told their side to 'the reliable source' which no doubt will carry the story back home. But as for me, i never said anything. She never said anything. It just disentegrated.

Today before the peace was passed in church we were told to make peace with ourselves and what if we have wronged, to seek for forgiveness and make peace. All this must be done with ourselves and with our brothers and sisters before we come to God. Where does this leave me?

:(