Losing track.......

No matter how hard we try to compose ourselves and use mind over matter, I believe there is always a part of us where the brain stops functioning and our emotions just takes control. Almost like mutiny on the ship.

For some, it is easier for mutiny to take control, for some, harder. Those who are incredibly emo, than it is the former.

I always pride myself as a rational person… well almost rational. :-p

There have been times when I have let my emotions have the better of me, like the time almost 10 years ago and 5 when I had had a slight bout of depression. After all this while, I thot I finally managed to nail it down. Practicality with a hint of realism. (hmm… is that redundant?)

Anyway, I was proven wrong recently. I found myself a little loopy and was a little erratic over a certain situation. I can however if wanted to blame it on several other factors – I have been severely stressed and also suffering from lack of sleep. After a while the combination of both can make one feel really depressed.

Then to add salt to the wound, I have been on birth control pills… meant to regulate my hormones. (note : have been having severe issues with my periods for no apparent reason – sorry, I know… TMI!)

So, considering the combination of stress and sleep deprived AND a hormone pill, it does seem like a recipe for an emotional disaster.

But couple with the fact that I am heavily interested in someone but looks like it is not a two way thing, let the bomb explode.

And I did… very briefly. Now when I read back the conversation I had with Ice-T, I was shocked at my outburst. I mean I knew I was getting loopy, just didn’t think THAT loopy.

Anyway… I then found myself sitting on the sofa briefly for 10 minutes while waiting for my sis to get out of the bathroom, I then cried out to God for wisdom. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Since the previous post, I have not really committed the relationship to God and let Him guide it. I think I have been trying to move it or grow it my way. That is probably a good indication that things are definitely going to go awry.

I know many may not believe me, but seriously – when our relationship with God is secure, things will fall into place for us. Or maybe just fall into perspective.

I am a lot better now, having since returning the issue back to God for control and wisdom. And things with me aren’t moving as fast as or in the direction I am thinking. But no matter, the fact that God is in control should be comforting enough.

But though all (sorta) ends well, (depending how you look at it) I can’t let go of the fact how easy it is for us to lose track……….

^__^