I have been thinking about RC lately and miss my days there. I wish I can still go back and enjoy the sermons there as I used to. I am not saying SMACC isn’t good… Rev AC’s sermons are very passionate but maybe it is just me. I don’t focus very well in SMACC. I don’t know why. It is like my mind is always elsewhere. Either listening to the kids, or playing with Beth or walking out of the service cos there is food outside – I know lame excuse. I somehow have made myself to believe that if the rest can do it why not me? Some don’t seem to be bothered about the sermon or CG so why do I have to be so in to it? I hate to say it, but my spiritual nourishment in RC and the HG was a lot more. There was something every week – I was never in thirst cos my hunger would always be quenched. And my senses to Him were so heightened. So what happened?
All things said and done, since SMACC, I must admit, my relationship with my sister has never been better. So that is a blessing right? And I am serving. I am singing again. Not the kind of songs and the worship I wanted, but nevertheless, all praise songs comes from Him and for that I should give thanks and sing with joy.
But my spiritual nourishment…? Is it me? Am I no longer focused? Have I slacked? (hahaha… of course the answer is YES!) But what was it then that made things so different? Why was I constantly in thirst? And why am I complacent now? Was choosing SMACC a wrong decision? But I don’t want to turn back – if I go back to RC, I would just be taking in but never giving back. Or maybe if I had stayed on, I would have found some other way to give back to You? In any case, I would never know since I have already made that choice.
So as the previous post – moving on – I fear for my ministry in UK. I fear that I am not prepared and I would be faced with the inevitable truth – all this while I was paying lip service. *SHOCK HORROR* I am really worried. Then something tells me not to worry – if He takes me there, He will lead me on. But wait! He can’t help me if I don’t make an effort! So how?
I only have 2 months left – and if I don’t make the effort now it would definitely be too late! So tomorrow – as I start my diet, I will make a more conscious effort to make time for God. Even if it kills me.
And yes I am aware that by doing so, the dark one will try even harder to separate me – as he may have succeeded. So each morning – I shall wear the Amour of God:
The helmet of Salvation.
The breastplate of Righteousness.
The belt of Truth.
The shoes of Peace and Goodwill.
The shield of Faith (in my left hand).
The double edge sword which is The Word of God (in my right hand).
I know I will need this as since DA will not be taking over from me, there is much I have to pick up. I hope someone comes in real soon or some restructuring happens soon. I have to do filing and leave soon. And plus I am helping out with the Christmas Brunch – only God will carry me through!
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